HI. Welcome to the FLOURISH AS YOU AGE podcast series. This episode will revolve around the concept of equanimity, which I think is a very important ingredient of flourishing.
Last year I wrote an article for 3rd Act Magazine called Transcendent Equanimity. As often happens I learn about what I’m thinking through the act of writing. Reviewing the article I discovered a number of important issues that strike me as important aspects of flourishing and are worthy of further exploration.
So before I revisit the earlier podcast let me prime your brain to listen for the following topics.
First, Mysticism - People who report having had a mystical experience seem to enter a highly altered state of mind that is very profound and has deep meaning for the rest of their lives. They feel somehow united with something larger than themselves. So, mysticism and the sense of unity can be, I believe, important aspect of flourishing.
Second, Letting Go - Another aspect of mysticism and flourishing is the ability to let go, to release. Central to the mystical experience is a letting go of concepts, doctrines, received wisdom, assumptions and an opening up to - a vulnerability to - direct experience. So flourishing entails a process of letting go and opening up.
A third topic that arose was Intellectual Humility - This has to do with acceptance that we don’t, and can’t, know everything. It’s an embrace of uncertainty. This has been an important revelation for me. I can relax in the knowledge that it is impossible to understand everything. Ignorance and uncertainty are okay.
Another topic that arose might be summarized as “Presencing” - The effort to stay centered in the present, in the here and now. To flourish we need to accept and embrace that present awareness is all we have. There is nothing else. Which is fine, because the present when we really pay attention to what is going on - is pretty fantastic. This is it and this is the perfect expression of who we are and what is happening in this specific time and place.
Closely related is the state of Awe - When we are mindful and really pay attention to the here and now we recognize that life is pretty amazing - awesome. Awe seems to combine much of the other topics. There is a sense of mysticism and we are humbled by the connection with things much vaster than ourselves. We can’t help but revel in the here and now. When we stop taking things for granted and recognize how awesome life is we can’t help but flourish.
Finally, there is Equanimity which, of course, was the topic of the original essay. In that essay, I make a distinction between two types of equanimity, both of which help us to flourish as we age.
Regular equanimity is valuable because it gives us he power to stay even tempered no matter what we encounter, be it positive or negative.
Then, while writing the essay, I realized that there is a more elevated kind of equanimity that I called “transcendent equanimity.” This is a state of mind in which we feel a unity with all of existence and find all aspects of existence equally miraculous and awesome.
All right. With those topics in mind (mysticism, letting go, intellectual humility, “presencing,” awe, and equanimity), here’s a reading of the original article.
TRANSCENDENT EQUANIMITY
By Michel C. Patterson
I’ve come to suspect that the mental state of “equanimity” is the key to aging well.
No matter how hard I try to stay fit and slow the aging process, time and fortune will eventually erode my physical abilities, subject me to increased discomfort, and shrink my world. My happiness and quality-of-life, therefore, will depend more on my mental attitude than on my physical condition.
I find the aphorism “pain is inevitable; suffering is optional,” instructive. I will experience pain, loss and disappointment. I have no choice in this regard. Shit happens! But I hope to learn to control how my mind reacts to my changing reality. I hope to interpret my experience mindfully. Rather than freak out and amplify my struggles, I hope to accept my reality and make the best of it. I hope to swim gracefully in the flow of the aging process - wherever it takes me.
The serenity prayer has been quoted so often it sounds cliched, but there still is wisdom in its advice. My quality-of-life as I age will hinge on having the mental serenity to accept conditions that cannot be changed, the courage to change what can be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference. This is a workable definition of equanimity.
I have some ideas about the mental changes that might help me develop greater equanimity about my advancing age.
Oddly enough for a lifetime atheist, I think a good checklist for mental change can be found in descriptions of mystical experiences. Mystics identify a consistent set of mental adjustment that I associate with equanimity.
In a mystical experience, for example, there is a dissolution of the sense of self, coupled with a profound feeling of unity with . . . “the great beyond,” or however we want to characterize the mystery of existence. (God, Tao, Chi, The Web of Existence, Cosmic Consciousness, Natural Forces, Physics and so on.)
One important mental adjustment, therefore, will concern my sense of self. I’ll need to ramp down my egocentrism. I am not – it turns out – the center of the universe. Life does not exist to serve my needs. Life isn’t fair and I was never promised a rose garden. Greater humility will help reduce my attachment to pet projects, favorite ideas, strong likes and dislikes. Buddhists tell us that attachment is the root of all suffering. So, there you go. Less ego, less attachment, less suffering – better quality of life.
For the mystics, loss of self leads to – or perhaps is derived from – the revelation that we are not rugged individuals. We are, instead, highly dependent and interconnected expressions of the entirety of existence. I understand, and am awed by, this revelation on an intellectual level. I haven’t felt it to the core the way mystics do. I’ll keep working on that.
I have made a significant mental adjustment that, I believe, gets me closer to mystical revelation. I’ve come to realize that my lifelong fascination with science will not – cannot - answer all the mysteries of existence. Existence is just too complex, bizarre, and creative to be comprehended by the human mind.
But - and this is the real revelation for me – not knowing is okay. Ambiguity, contradiction, uncertainty, and mystery are acceptable states of mind – even desired states. They lead to a sense of wonder and awe. I no longer feel compelled to understand the mysteries of life. This revelation allows me to relax into my old age. No need to understand or explain it - just live it. And be amazed.
The term equanimity is constructed around the idea of equality. When we relate to life with equanimity, we give everything equal value, weight and importance. Now, on the one hand, this can mean that our emotional reaction is modulated and perhaps muted. The mental attitude of equanimity reins in our emotions so that they don’t run amok. Shit happens, but it’s okay – not that bad. Terrific things happen. Enjoy them while they last. They will fade. All is good. This is a very useful mental attitude.
But I’m more excited about cultivating another possible expression of equanimity. In this expansive sense of equanimity, everything is equally miraculous. It is a miracle that existence exists. Every single expression of existence can and should be seen as wonderful, awesome, and breathtaking. This is not the equanimity of acceptance and adjustment; it is the equanimity of transcendence and revelation. And it is a joyous awakening.
My mind still struggles to embrace this mystical relationship with existence. I probably need to stop thinking about it and surrender to a state of uncomprehending awe. The wonder of life just is, I can’t explain it, nor is there any need to do so. Life and death are different expressions of existence and, as such, are to be fully embraced and celebrated. This is a state of joyous equanimity, of transcendent equanimity.
If I can embody this exalted form of transcendent equanimity – get it into my bones - life, old age, even death will not only be tolerable, it will be fantastic.
Still working on it.
I’m revisiting this article because it raises a number of topics that I believe will be important to our project of figuring out how to Flourish as we age.
Mysticism
Letting Go
Intellectual Humility
Presencing
Awe
And finally, Equanimity, both standard issue equanimity and transcendent equanimity.
Thanks for joining me on this exploration of how we can manage our minds to flourish as we age. Until next time.
